Quarantine House Fun
In our FIRST summer of quarantine (my god, we’ve had more than one, that’s wild), I was getting a bit antsy and made up some Marvel-based “Quarantine Houses” that I posted on twitter.
A lot of you probably engaged with them over there (they were very popular!) but I thought it was worth bringing them over to Substack anyway because
A) It’s been a while.
B) Some of you maybe DIDN’T see them the first time around - that stuff is easy to miss in your feed - its one of the many reasons we’re HERE.
C) My tweets eventually get auto-deleted, so I figured this was a way to not lose this weird fun little thing and
D) I thought I could add some fun commentary here that there wasn’t room for on twitter thanks to the word limits.
Here were the rules I set for myself when building the different quarantine houses:
I could only use Marvel characters I had already written.
Each house had to/could only have one non-human/animal type character (Gambit’s Cats count as one entity!)
No repeat characters (except in House 9 - Future House and House 10, obvs)
I tried to break up all couples. I don’t know why…because I like pain? Because I wanted to make it hard to choose? Because happiness is ever elusive? *shrug emoji*?
Strong house right out of the gate. Honestly, it’s hard to mess with this one. First of all it has She-Hulk and Jeff! Also Rogue! And Luke Cage! And Emma Frost! And then it also has Wolverine and Deadpool. Don’t get me wrong, I love Wade to death…but I’m VERY sure I don’t want to live with him. And the Wolverine I’d want to live with is this one, but probably not the “regular one” pictured above.
On the surface, maybe seems a bit dull compared to House 1. But you’re not looking hard enough if you’re thinking that. Nothing is dull with Elsa Bloodstone and Monica Rambeau around. Add to that, Multiple Man? CHAOS. But maybe great Chaos? I feel like Rhodey could reign in Tony’s more annoying aspects and there’s A LOT of fun advantages to hanging out with Tony Stark, especially if someone can curb his worst instincts. And we haven’t even talked about Natasha yet. I actually think she’d be a great roommate. Respectful, quiet, deadly. Yeah, I’m into it. The biggest problem for me here are the snakes. Like Wade, I LOVE writing them, but have no interest in living with snakes, even such good boys as these are (better than dogs even!) JK that’s a joke from a comic I wrote. Oh god, I’m already self-referencing my own work. It’s all downhill from here, kids!
Cool kids house. No doubt. I bet the food is incredible…if anyone is willing to clean up? With two Asgardians I imagine a lot of broken glasses from slamming pints together in celebration. Again, not sure who’s cleaning all that up? This house has definitely got the best music (though Dazzler Thor is probably a real bully about being in charge of that). Lots of sweet cats to pet and I bet if Bishop can relax for two seconds together he’s pretty cool. If Jessica doesn’t murder Gambit by week two, and you’re willing to do a lot of clean up it could work?
There’s a lot of chaotic jokey energy here - Kate Bishop, Spidey, Iceman. But some nice calming energy from Storm, Captain America, Echo, and Lucky to help balance it out. I think with Storm and Cap being the “big kids” this house might have some real nice balace actually - like if you’re more into have a funny, good, peaceful time - as opposed to raging parties - this is probably a real solid choice. Might be MY choice?
This is sort of a dark horse house to me in that it’s surprisingly strong and I think with T’Challa in charge it might work pretty well? Remains to be seen how Medusa and T’Challa handle jockeying for power as fellow “Royals,” but I like to think after my A-Force run that Medusa understands that NOT being in charge is sometimes not only a relief, but the way more fun option. Laura Wolverine and Jonathan The Wolverine are huge pluses obviously and I think Hazmat and Alloy would be good roomates. But Quentin…yeah, I don’t know if I wanna be quarantined with Quentin. He’s A LOT to be trapped in a house with.
Massive bi-sexual energy in this house and I am HERE FOR IT. I’m not sure Carol can keep these guys in line (looking especially at you Jess and Clint), but she’s damn well gonna try. Again, good music thanks to Dazzler (but again, she might hog the playlist), lotta jokes and fun here, but feels less destructive and messy than Asgard house maybe? Only one cat compared to Asgard House’s 3, but the cat is also an alien. Bonus? I feel like Armor and Fuse, despite being the younger class here, are pretty calm energy wise which is some nice balance to Jess and Clint’s sometimes chaotic energy.
Magik and Nico are very tempting but NO. I mean. It’s just too much. I love them all but definitely NO to being trapped in a house with Loki. Or Spiral for that matter. I also think there’s a fair chance Strange can’t keep these guys in line - not for lack of power, but maybe lack of caring? I think maybe Wanda is gonna have to step in so the whole thing doesn’t descend into pure chaos. I really WOULD like to hang out with a baby Pegasus tho so that’s a shame. :(
This house started as a place to house my “leftovers” that hadn’t already been sorted into houses…sort of like a kickball team made up of all the kids that didn’t get picked - except it turned out awesome! And I think Misty’s got the stones to keep this place in line. And I think Gwen would LOVE Lauri-ell. Plus Gwen, Kamala, and Jubilee seem like they could have fun together. Polaris feels a little trapped and out of place here, but maybe she and Misty could become besties? I JUST noticed this house has no dudes in it. Interesting. This house definitely has the least interesting non-human resident (no offense Jeff Kitty but you never had a chance!) Additionally, like Quentin, Deadpool, and Loki before her, I think I might find Gwen’s energy a bit much after a while?
I’m sure this is unlikely to make anyone’s favorite house since most these characters appeared only in one story (Captain Marvel: New World) but I’m of course very fond of them. And in some ways, everything these guys have been through, the apocalyptic world they come from, they’d probably be GREAT roommates in a quarantine situation. Like, they’d be all “wait, we have power and food and running water and entertainment and each other and we just can’t go out and live our “normal” lives? Sounds like fucking paradise - we come from an apocalyptic ice planet situation so y’know, this is a goddamn delight.” But that kind of attitude might also get a bit old and you’d definitely be the odd man out (only Emma Frost will know what you’re talking about most of the time, since only she and Gerry and Jeff were alive BEFORE the apocalypse). In some situations, being the odd man out might be great, but in others, it might really intensify your existential angst. Not great for a quarantine.
So…Jeff House is obviously a little joke. An ADORABLE little joke. But worth it, I think. That said, I think you’d be crazy to pick “Jeff House” as 9 versions of Jeff would be A LOT to take care of during quarantine without help. Especially “Mouth Knife Jeff.”
So, shout out which house you’d choose if you had to in the comments - maybe include why if you feel so inclined?
There are only two rules:
No mixing and matching - otherwise what’s the point?!
And understand that you are in quarantine no matter what. Nobody’s powers can help you escape quarantine - not even Magic House - so don’t pick which house you think could solve the problem and get you out faster, just pick the house you think you’d enjoy quarantining in the most.
I think after breaking it down, and knowing how tough quartine can be, I’d be searching for a fun but peaceful experience that had just enough order and discipline that we could all enjoy the situation as much as reasonably possible, so after far too much deliberation for an entirely fictional exercise, I’m going with House 4.
What about you?
PS- I will be bringing you guys a fun Black Cloak post tomorrow, but in the meantime, in case any of you need last minute gifts, a little reminder about our gift subscription options for this substack: